It's the GFR News TOP 5 bonanza issue. Top 5 car chase films, Top 5 most sensual sexy films, Top 5 over the top action blockbusters, Top 5 breads to toast in winter & Top 5 St Kilda bands.

GFR NEWS | TAKE 56

Warning! More than 20 words ahead! Approach with caution! Adult concepts! IMMEDIATELY return to scrolling plastic TUMO trinkets with dead eyes if your brain starts thinking for itself. Warning! Aaagh!

Slip on your Ug Boots, roll a scoob, pour a hot tottie, put the electric blanket on 3, put the heater on 11, get into your PJ's and hibernate like a fucking great big black bear (btw do not watch Cocain Bear, it's a shitter). First up is Car Chases, Wow this is the highlight of my week, exiting times…

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TOP 5 CAR CHASE SCENES

OK first up is most iconic car chase scenes and we start a '68 Mustang chasing a '68 Charger, very awesome and BTW all Top 5's are equally awesome and randomly ordered.

1. Bulitt [1968]

• CARS: 1968 Ford Mustang GT Fastback 390, 1968 Dodge Charger R/T 440
• Location: San Francisco

Steve ‘did all me own stunts’ McQueen did all the insanely dangerous driving in the dark green Ford Mustang that chased the just as awesome looking black Dodge Charger up and down the steep roads of San Fran. It is a great film (fuck the critics it’s a very well made and suspenseful movie just ignore the so so dialog). This film created the term “car chase scene” way back in, you guessed it, 1968. Actually came out just before The French Connection (my number 3). Fun facts: the two ‘Bullit’ mustangs can still be viewed in a car museum in the states + Steve McQueen grew up really, really rough and got into movies in his 30s.

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2. The Bourne Supremacy [2004]

• CARS: Russian-made GAZ Volga 3110 Taxi (with a BMW 3L inline six), Mercedes-Benz G-Klasse W463
• Location: Moscow

Wow this 2004 car chase sequence through the raining streets of Moscow has to be seen to be believed and is best watched in context as all the scenes leading up to it greatly enhance possibly the most visceral and insanely dangerous car chase ever made. Oh and the DVD has bonus features on how they made the car chase and also the very realistic fight scenes and house explosion stunts - a very underrated sequel and the most thrilling modern car chase you are going to see ever, period.

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3. The French Connection [1971]

• CARS: 1971 Pontiac LeMans, 1970 Lincoln Continental Mark III, 1971 Ford LTD, 1961 Mercury Comet Sedan
• Location: New York

OK it’s time for the godfather of car chases that usually gets ranked as number 1 because it is insane and also because the filmakers didn't ask permission and it features real traffic and people nearly got killed! No god-awful CGI or green screen cheats existed in 1971 so this one, like Bulitt, is 100% real stunts and the stunning footage beneath the New York elevated railway is still considered by many the greatest car footage of all time.

Great film and worth watching alone just to remember the indomitable master of character acting Gene Hackman as Popeye Doyle - we miss you Gene you were the humble GOAT of Hollywood acting by a fkn country mile and Laurence Olivier should bow before you.

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4. The Spy Who Loved Me [1977]

• CARS: Wet Nellie (a customised Lotus Esprit S1)
• Location: Sardinia

I mean pretty much every Bond film has a decent car chase scene so let’s go with Bond’s car seemingly crashing into the ocean only then turning into a submarine!!

I watched that scene back in '77 when I was a little tacker and a Bond fanatic (especially Sean and Roger), and it blew my mind when I saw it for the first time let me tell you (Q excelled himself on that one). Yep I saw it on release I’m officially fucking ancient.

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5. The Bourne Identity [2002]

• CARS: 1989 Mini Mayfair Mk V
• Location: Paris

It’s the original American in Europe car chase scene that raised the bar back in 2002 - driving a mini down very steep concrete stairs at high speed anyone? The Bourne films are outliers among modern films in that they are known for using non CGI, real stunt people and real stunts and that really what puts them in the top five for me.

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Honourable Mentions

Although technically not classical car chase scenes (trucks, trains, planes, gyro-copters, motorcycles, buses and cars are all involved), the greatest , coolest and most memorable car movies of all time are of course made by Australia’s own Kennedy Miller team that is the five Mad Max films: from the epic closing oil tanker escape chase of Mad Max II, to the high octane opening Ford v Holden chase of Mad Max I to the epic 45 minute chase sequence of Mad Max Fury Road that features a blind heavy metal guitarist strapped to the top of a monster truck, phenomenal stuff. Btw if you haven’t watched Fury Road and Mad Max V ‘Furiosa’ multiple times you are crazy, best two films of this decade easily so do yourself a favour as the eminently camp Molly was fond of saying.

The Blues Brothers gets an honourable mention for the funniest car chase scenes and is of course the best know film of John ‘speedball’ Belushi: a man who lived very fast and died young leaving a good looking corpse as they say.

Lastly a special mention goes to the final Jason Bourne film The Bourne Legacy because it is such a great movie, Jeremy Renner and Rachel Weisz are compelling, the plot is intelligent and complex and even Kenny has a bit part as an Aussie in a Filipino CIA lab; similar to Bourne Ultimatum it has great fight scenes and a decent Parkour chase however the hectic chase through the streets of Manila, while excellent, is more a motorcycle scene and it’s easier I think to do crazy moves on a road trail motorcycle than a real production car so I’ll save those two for a top 5 motorcycle slash urban foot chases segment.

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TOP 5 ST KILDA BANDS

OK in no particular order:

1. I Spit On Your Gravey

Many if not all local St Kilda band members used to park themselves at the rear bar of POW once a month on a Friday circa 1989 to watch St Kilda's own Fred Negro squelch a rubber chicken in his legendary punk outfit I Spit On Your Gravey during their long monthly kind of residence at the Prince. We would drink cheap Bourbon and just admire the throbbing, pulsating, scary mosh pit.. ahh how I miss that packed out insanity back when original bands ruled the world and computers had yet to introduce laziness into the making of music (do people not realize it is doing things manually every day for hours on end that creates the real magic? Jimmy Page wrote and recorded 3 albums while on world tour people!).

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2. Birthday Party/Boys Next Door

The Seaview Ballroom boys have permanent legendary status. Now they were Caufield Grammar boys however they all lived in St Kilda around that time. Nuff said.

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3. Beasts Of Bourbon

Now Tex is from QLD, SPJ from Melbourne via NZ and the rest from WA and the band formed in NSW however they lived and performed mostly in St Kilda for the greater part of their storied career so they are St Kilda through and through for me and one of the greatest bands ever just put on Axemans Jazz or Black Milk and tell me I'm wrong, legends.

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4. Painters & Dockers

True story: I was a Dockhead (we went to every single P&D gig without exception) and at age 16 left home and moved to St Kilda West to follow them and form my own band. Paul Stewart was my hero and pogo'ing to Die Yuppy Die screaming the chorus is akin to being a god, OMG what a great fucking live band.

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5. Hunters & Collectors

From Ormond College and that is near enough to St Kilda for me, anyway they always played ridicualsy awesome packed out shows at The Palace in St Kilda and their trumpet/BVs player Jack Howard is a St Kilda mainstay who continues to play live round these parts.

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Honourable Mentions

Now I could have put X although to me they always kept their Sydney identity so lets give them a mention and put Ian Rilen's bands Hell To Pay & The Love Addics and The Steve Lucas Band & Bigger Than Jesus. Also Fitroy Streets' finest dresser Roland S Howard, The Whiskey Priests, Complaints Department, BitterSweet Kicks, Have A Nice Day, Nick Barker & The Reptiles, Killing Time, Hazchem, The Fuck Fucks, Brady Bunch Lawn Mower Massacre, Nursery Crimes, Burn In Hell, Womanal & if it is ok let us also mention GFR's very own The Dolls/Guiltfilter who filled every fucking venue in St Kilda numerous times, supported Nirvana at The Palace and still no-one has heard of us such is the life of the musician who chooses needles over careers - remember kids drugs have feelings too.

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TOP 5 OVER THE TOP ACTION BLOCKBUSTERS

1. Con Air [1997]

2. Battleship [2012]

3. Predator [1987]

4. Edge of Tomorrow [2014]

5. Die Hard [1988]

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TOP 5 BREADS (TO TOAST IN WINTER)

I am a bread nut, who isn’t? I know this list will be topical because food is very personal but I do gaurentee these are all delicious:

1 Turkish Rolls

The greatest bread ever made in my humble opinion, goes with literally everything mmm!

2 Baguette

The ones made in France are a gazillion times better than the crap in our supermarkets so best get these from a traditional bakery.

3 Roti bread

Cooked in the inside of a clay oven, plain is best IMHO.

4 English muffins (or crumpets)

Toasted with cheese and real butter OMG yum!

5 Garlic bread

Proper rustic Italian made and cooked in tinfoil with chunks of garlic and lots of herbs yummm!

Honourable Mentions

Croissant, French bread, Ciabatta, dark rye, white toast.

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And finally it is time to warm the loins as they say, forget PornHub watch these:

TOP 5 SEXY SENSUAL MOVIES

1 Buffalo’66 (Christina Ricci, Vincent Gallo)

2 Bound (Jennifer Tilly, Gina Gershon)

3 Betty Blue (Beatrice Dalle*)

4 Wild At Heart (Nic Cage, Laura Dern)

5 Nine 1/2 Weeks (Mickey Rourke, Kim Basinger)

Honorable mentions:

Black Snake Moan, Basic Instinct, Sex, Lies & Videotape, Dead Calm, Last Tango in Paris, Little Children, Double Indemnity, Body Heat, Wild Things, any movie with Mickey Rourke or Matt Dillon, Lea Seydoux in Blue Is The Warmest Colour.

*I am guessing 99.99999% of males who watched Betty Blue back in the dark ages of 1986 fell in love and fantasized over Beatrice Dalle... or they are lying.

Thats it, your welcome, buy some fucking merch the GFR Elves are on strike wanting a heater and all kinds of outragous demands on me their benevolent dickhead-tater. Nahh I could give a fuck, me I am a artist lifer and I would sleep in the street over a straight job 100% DIY since 1992 GUILTFILTER RECORDS!